Cleft Lip and Palate, Ivan’s Story
Wednesday, July 12th, around 4:30 PM. That was the day I found out that Ivan had a cleft lip. I remember that day like it was just yesterday. I was heartbroken. There was something wrong with my baby and I couldn’t help but feel devastated and guilty. I thought it was my fault that Ivan had a cleft.
I was around 18 weeks pregnant during that time. It’s funny because I wasn’t even supposed to be getting an ultrasound that day but I had asked for one since the practice I went to was closing down. I didn’t know when I was going to be able to see my baby again since I was still waiting for a call from a different practice to see if they had room for me. The doctor told me it was okay to get an ultrasound but it would just have to be very quick.
Going into the ultrasound room I was very nervous yet excited. It had been weeks since I had last seen the baby and I thought that maybe I would also be able to see what the gender of the baby was. That was all that was in my mind. Little did I know I was going to be leaving that building filled with anxiousness, confusion, and sadness.
A few minutes turned into longer minutes as the ultrasound tech seemed to be looking into more detail at the baby. I started to think is there something wrong with my baby, why is she taking so long. I knew something was wrong when I had been in the room for almost an hour. The tech simply told me to just wait a few minutes until the doctor came in. Those words kept repeating in my mind.
A few moments later, a lady walked in and simply told me that she was going to take me to a different room. I asked her if there was something wrong and she said she wasn’t allowed to say anything to me. I started tearing up and I asked her again, please, just tell me if something is wrong with the baby. She simply said, I’m sorry but it seems like the tech found something wrong with the baby. At that moment I probably had a million different thoughts going into my head of all the possible things that could be wrong with the baby. I started bursting into tears.
I think for any mother, finding out that there is something wrong with your child is heartbreaking. Never would I have thought anything like this would happen me. And I obviously was not prepared for such news. I was already so hormonal and my mind was spinning a thousand miles an hour as I was trying to gather my thoughts and thinking about how to break the news to my husband.
At that moment it was like my world had stopped. It felt as if I was the only one in the world. And I asked God, why me? Let me tell you one thing is for sure. God knows what he is doing and God’s timing is always perfect. That was one of the things that comforted me. I knew God would be with me throughout the whole process. Now looking back I see that Ivan has actually brought me closer to God. It’s as if Ivan is my little angel. I know he is. I ask God daily for guidance and strength and to give me patience with my boys. It’s not easy to raise two kids under two, especially when they are both boys filled with so much energy.
Days, weeks, months passed and I knew God was preparing me for what was coming. God knows how strong we all are and he knew the strength I had inside me. A strength that neither my husband or I thought we had.
Everything will be fine, everything is fine. God created Ivan perfectly in my womb. He makes no mistakes. This process has strengthened our family and has made our bond that much tighter. Ivan is perfect to me in every way, shape, and form. From his tiny toes to that wide smile of his that we all love. I know that once he gets surgery done, a part of me will be sad. Sad because that is how he was born. That is how I met him.
My purpose for having written this is to hopefully help out any mother’s out there who might be feeling the same way that I did at one point. I can only tell you to stay strong. That feeling that you might be feeling will soon pass and later on you might even feel silly for having felt that way. I know I did. I can’t wait to keep sharing our journey with you all.